The moment you give up, is the moment you let someone else win. – Kobe Bryant

I’ve never been one to give up. Every experience, whether a success or a challenge, has taught me something valuable and shaped who I am today.

From balancing fun with responsibility to focusing on what truly matters, my journey has been filled with growth.  During university, I was in charge of three major tasks, which helped me grow, learn, and build. Today, I want to share a few key moments from my past and the lessons they’ve taught me.

Listen

It’s important to listen, so it’s important to be open and listen. Listening is hard, but you have to do it if you want to do well. One thing we should all agree on is that none of us is as smart as all of us. So, someone who thinks he’s right and doesn’t listen to anyone else will stick to his own decision, which is the wrong thing to do. You can listen in a few different ways –

Listen to affirm. Listen to what you already know. And what are the benefits of this kind of listening? It makes you feel better about what you know or have done. You know you don’t really move the conversation forward, but you’re honest with yourself.

One of the many things I’ve done is tell people, “Hey, I already know that.” Please don’t make me hear that again. But as time went on, I realized that this wasn’t a good way to talk to people. Instead, I was either bragging about myself or discouraging the person who was telling me their part of the story. But over time, I stopped doing this and tried to see things from other people’s points of view. Now I understand how each person shares and what they think.

Listen to defend. When you defend, what do you do? You are basically putting your thoughts all around you. If you think your thoughts are important, you should stand up for them. Not because you are always right, but because you are sure of your ideas. To be a leader, you have to come up with new ideas and change or challenge the way things are done now.

Listen to discover. Listen to learn about new things and new problems. Listen to learn everything you don’t already know.

You

Take your attention off of yourself to make a bigger difference. You won’t try to say, “You’re the best, and you should change the rules.” The people you’re working with every day; the crowd you’re talking to are the ones that inspire you. You’re not the one that inspires you.

It’s like this: Think of it as a game of cricket. Don’t even think about getting a 50 or a 100. Score for your teammates and the crowd. So that it is easy to get to the goal.

Say what you want and what you want to achieve in terms of how it will affect other people. Say “I’ve thought this through” to yourself all the time.

When my team and I put on “Esonance,” the annual Electrical and Electronic Engineering Fest at the Islamic University of Technology, we had to do a lot of things that seemed impossible. I didn’t think about myself when I was asked to do that all the time. I rather told myself, “I’ve thought this through,” and yes, I was able to make my audience happy.

Leaders look in the direction of impact. They talk in terms of outcomes, and they think about impact, and impact, not just for themselves, but for the people that they serve. – Chris Westfall

You is the most important pronoun. And when I changes to you, then you are running on the correct path.

Let me give you some bad ways to start a conversation:

• I am an expert in this field.
• I did the whole thing.
• Let me tell you what you don’t know.

Instead –

• This field is vast and from the experience I had, I think we should……
• The work was easy to do/tiresome to do.
• Do you know……?

Which sentences are the best? You decide.

Know who you’re talking to. Stay on the same ground. Don’t say, “I know,” but instead prove that “we know it together.”

Common Ground

Strange things happen when people have something in common, and you want people to focus on that instead of your knowledge.

People often think that a discussion has to be a fight or that if I have an opinion, it will be against someone else’s. But getting rid of this idea and sticking to what you and your audience have in common, like having the same goal, is a win.

Being in the Moment

People’s ability to access their true leadership skills and be at their best depends on how they think.

There were times when I felt like I was going to quit because I was under so much stress. I was thinking about why I signed up for this. How do I keep doing things that keep pushing me and making me nervous?

Let me tell you a story to help you understand it better –

So, I had to finish a design that needed to be sent the next day. Since my laptop didn’t have a battery and was always plugged into the power line, there was a chance it could short out. I went outside for a walk, and when I came back, my laptop was off. So I thought that the switch was probably turned off. So I tried again to turn on my laptop. But it was not turning on. The laptop wouldn’t start up. Even though I switched the power ports, nothing has changed. I started to have a panic attack because I had to deliver everything the next day. I started crying. My family started to worry because I was so worried that I forgot about all the other options. My dad just switched out the wire on the charger, and now my laptop works.

Moments are making things hard for you. So, what was meant to be done? Don’t get upset. You have to keep your mind clear of pressures and look for other options and possibilities. Don’t think about the moment; just live in it. And every problem in my life has given me a new kind of problem to solve. Life isn’t easy, so take action and be in the moment to find the best options.

How to Keep Calm

Access yourself. Get the best in yourself. Think of what you should do. Think about what you can do to get out of the situation you’re in. Don’t think about anything else. And also remember this –

just because a train of thought shows up doesn’t mean you have to ride that train.

For there is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so.William Shakespeare

Experience

You learn from your experiences. Learn from what you’ve been through. Every step you take in life matters. Your next step will help you get closer to your goal. Every part of life gives you the chance to deal with it. So, learn from everything you’ve done. The simplest of decisions will lead you to a tougher solution through your experience.

Win Pt. 1

The best way to win a conversation is to be able to communicate well. What gives? Think of a situation in which your teammates won’t go along with a plan you suggest because it’s too dangerous.

So what do you do? Find out what could cause this. How do they think it will get in the way? How should we act? What is better about your idea than what they came up with? If you think you were wrong after evaluating, you should let their suggestions live. If they are wrong, use your conclusions and analysis to show them why they should think about what you are suggesting.

But keep in mind that you FAIL if you follow the wrong advice or if someone else gives you the wrong advice and you don’t tell them they’re wrong.

Win Pt. 2

How to win a conversation or a situation –

• Align with the stakeholders.
• Don’t forget your stakes.
• Be affirmative.

Don’t ‘To-Do’

A to-do list is something that a lot of people use to keep track of what needs to be done. I used to write down everything I had to do each day, each week, and a few times each month on a to-do list. But from what I’ve seen, I’ve failed horribly at it.

I used to set the tasks in my head, and I went through them repeatedly. Since your mind is what controls you, and you are the one that controls your mind.

Do it at a Time

It’s clear that you’ll have a lot of work and deadlines. So it will be hard for you to know when to do what. You will have to do more than one thing at the same time. Don’t do it. One thing at a time, please. After this is done, move on to the next thing. If that’s too hard, move on to the next one and then back to the one you just finished.

You Are Allowed to Procrastinate A Bit

Because you’ll have a lot to do, you might not be able to finish everything at once or in one day. So, you can set the tasks for the next day. But try not to do it on purpose. Do it when you think you should – there are no other choices left.

Conclusion

This is how I led, and my methods are nothing like those of great leaders who have always done a great job. Here are the simplest insights I’ve shared from my past with any enthusiast who’s willing to know. My learning doesn’t stop here, though. I’m always learning, and I hope that the things I learn will help me do well in life. One last tip: You don’t lead by hitting people over the head. That’s assault, not leadership, and you shouldn’t let leadership get to your head.